From: Ken Royer []
Sent: Thursday, May 06, 2010 6:18 AM
Subject: To our Colleagues in Personnel

                                                                                                May 5, 2010


To Our Colleagues in Personnel…


Happy “Cinco de Mayo” to you!  Buenas tardes.


This monthly “resource tool” is designed to provide insight for personnel workers in ministry-related areas.  If you would like to be removed from the list (or a friend would like to be added), please let me know… or


Reminder: “Building Skills for Member Care with Excellence.”  Dates = Jan. 10-14, 2011.  We’d love to have you with us.  For more information check  Please write for further info / application.  A small partial scholarship may be available if needed.


This month’s focus is as follows. . .


While in Ghana in April, in the home of one of our missionary hosts, I (Ken Royer) ran across a little card with words of wisdom from Miriam Neff, From One Widow to AnotherConversations on the New You.


Dealing with “grief and loss,” the wisdom is on how to come alongside those who have lost a spouse to death.  I hope this will be an encouragement to all of us.  For further information, you might want to check out



Here goes…


“In the months after Bob entered heaven, I looked for comfort, help, and information and could find no resource either in media, bookstores, or on the Internet that met my need.  I decided with God’s help – Bob’s smile etched in my memory, to become that resource


The result…”


Seven Top Tips to Help Widows


1)  Please do STAY CONNECTED.  There is already a huge hole in my universe.  I don’t need “space” to grieve.


2)  Please do SAY YOU ARE SORRY for my loss.  Don’t say you understand, or tell me your story of loss.  I may be able to listen to your story later, but not now.


3)  Do CALL AND ASK SPECIFICALLY, “Can we go for a walk together?  May I run errands for you?  Meet you for coffee?”  Do not say, “Call me if you need anything.”


4)  Do REFER TO MY HUSBAND’S ACTS OR WORDS – serious or humorous.  I am so comforted by knowing my husband has not been forgotten.


5)  INVITE ME TO ANYTHING.  I may decline but will appreciate being asked.  Do not assume I no longer want to participate in couples’ events.


6)  Do accept that I AM WHETRE I AM.  Marriages are brief, long, healthy, dysfunctional, intense, remote.  Death comes suddenly or in time increments over years.  We are all so different, as is our journey through grief.  No one grieves “by the book.” 


7)  WALK THE TALK.  Do not say, “We’ll call you for a dinner date.”  -- and not follow up.  I’m sensitive; I’d rather hear, “I’ve been thinking of you” than make an offer for the sake of conversation.



Thanks to Miriam Neff for this wisdom.


And have a great month!


Ken Royer, for your Link Care Friends

1734 W. Shaw Ave.; Fresno, CA 93711

559 439 5920 ext. 122;